What are you allowing in your yard?
Genesis 1:1, In the
beginning God created the heavens and the earth. He goes on to create,
Light, dark, Water, land. Morning and evening. In the story of creation, the
very first thing God does, is set up boundaries. Whether it is physical,
emotional, relational or spiritual, the bible is filled, cover to cover with
boundaries.
Even in its sinless perfection, the
garden of Eden was not without its limitations. Second chapter of Genesis
starting at verse 16, God sets forth a clear boundary with a consequence. You
may freely eat of every tree of the garden; But of the tree of the knowledge of
good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die. We all
know how that turned out. The first act of disobedience. Eve chose not to
follow a rule, a boundary, and all of humanity has suffered ever since. Talk
about a terrible life choice. I wonder if she knew the weight in making that
choice. Imagine making one mistake and you have doomed all of humanity. Makes
me wonder how my own disobedience in stepping outside of a boundary doesn’t
just affect me in the here and now but will affect generations to come.
Boundaries are implemented from the
moment we are born. Feeding schedules and sleep schedules. We hear no from a
very early age. We are taught to color inside the lines. They are in roads,
signs and yards. Everywhere you look there are fences, lines, walls, cities,
countries and laws. For healthy relationships to exist marriages and
friendships must have well established, healthy boundaries. Employers set them
for their employees. Schools and churches need safe, firm boundaries within its
teachers, students, leaders and congregation. Within the structure of families
there needs to be firm set boundaries. Parents to both young and adult
children. Your Social Media need boundaries! What are you allowing in your
feeds? Who are you “following?”
God, Himself has boundaries He does
not cross. Revelation 3:20 states, Behold, I stand at the door, and
knock; if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and
will eat with him, and he with me. He doesn’t just force Himself into
our lives. He knocks. He waits for us to invite Him in. He gives us freedom to
make our own decisions; To live within His boundaries or not to. There is great
reward inside those boundaries. They have purpose. They have meaning. And as strange
as it may seem, His boundaries give us freedom. Often times, we choose not to
invite Him in. We don’t set up any kind of boundary, or lack enforcing the ones
we do have. Then we blame Him, when things don’t go according to our plan. “Can
you believe so and so did that to me, again? Well ya. You lack consistent
boundaries.”
It’s clear we serve a God of
boundaries. It only makes sense that we establish and respect
others clear, healthy boundaries as well. So why do we feel it’s so hard to set
boundaries and follow through with them? Being
Christ-like means we can say “no” in unselfish, healthy ways. You are not responsible for someone’s actions, feelings and lack of
self-control to your no. This is where we often
times cave. Where we allow the enemy to guilt trip us into feeling bad and give
into the pressure of seeming, “mean.” I’m not a good mom if I don’t allow
little Johnny a 3rd Xbox when he’s broken the last two. I’m a
terrible daughter when I don’t give into every toxic demand of my parents. After
all the bible says to honor them. The enemy will twist scripture to keep you
deceived from what God truly means. God doesn’t give in to manipulation and
unhealthy demands and neither should we. When used properly, no is not a bad
sinful word. Matthew 5:37 Let your yes mean yes and your no mean no;
anything more comes from the evil one. Personal boundaries are what
define you. To know who God says you are and be confident in that. They are
your values, your skills and abilities. What you need to feel secure or needed.
Good boundaries help you care for others without feeling “mean” or guilty about
your
decisions. This
reminds me of a story with my niece and nephew from when they were little. They
had continued to ask my sister for something. She continued to tell them no.
She overheard my niece whispering to my nephew, "if you keep asking her
she will say yes." My niece knew at the age of maybe 8 that my sisters no
didn't always mean no.
Possessing good
boundaries also means having humility and accepting the no from others. Knowing
and accepting what you may never have or may never be ready for. Self-control
is a boundary. Not allowing anger and jealously to dictate how you will be.
Deuteronomy 27:17, Cursed is he who pushes back his neighbors’
landmark. The message translation says, boundary marker. If
encroaching or pushing yourself over someone else’s boundaries is sinful, then
could it be said, that allowing someone to overstep a set of guidelines, rules
or boundary is enabling their sinful behavior? How many of us do this?
Regularly. Whether with our kids, our coworkers, friends and family. My yes
doesn’t always mean yes and my no doesn’t always mean no. So how is the
offender supposed to take me seriously and respect the boundaries I set?
Especially for those people who push the limits anyway. The ones who have
complete disregard for you and don’t want to hear the no so they go around,
above, or just bulldoze you. Your yes must be yes and your no must be no.
If God has
boundaries then Jesus had them. Jesus had personal needs he put priority on.
Even over the needs of others. He didn’t over extend Himself to appease others.
And he didn’t feel guilty about it. He separated Himself from people to be
alone with God. He knew that was where He would be renewed. He knew He couldn’t
pour out without first getting filled. A lot of times when I’m feeling the most
defeated or spiritually exhausted, its because I haven’t spent enough alone
time with God and in His Word. If I’m being honest, I run on empty more than I
run on full. And it’s because I lack God time boundaries.
People,
especially non-Christians or maybe even “Christians” who don’t actually know or
read the bible, seem to think Jesus was this do anything and everything to help
you kind of guy. And He was. For the most part. He was beaten and died for you
and I. So WWJD is their go to. Well Jesus expects people to do their part. One
of my favorite stories of Jesus’ miracles is in John chapter 5 (vs 1-9). He was
headed to Jerusalem to a festival. In Jerusalem was a pool where the sick would
go to get cured. An angel of the Lord would come down at appointed times and
stir the water. Who ever first stepped in the water received their healing.
There was a man there who had been suffering for 38 years. For 38 years this
man laid there on a mat waiting for someone to help him. This is mind boggling
to me. And we all know people like this. It must have been mind boggling to
Jesus too, because when Jesus arrives to the pool He asks the man, “Do you want
to become well?” A lot of times people want the reward without doing any work.
Faith without works is dead (James 2:17). In verse 7 the man proceeds to give a
list of the whys he can’t get healed. Again, 38 years he’s been in this
situation and hasn’t made his way into the pool. And what does Jesus do? He
doesn’t say, aww you poor thing. Let me carry you. He doesn’t pity this man. He
didn’t enable this man’s behavior. He says, and this is just one more reason
Jesus is awesome, He says, “get up! Pick up your bed and walk.” Jesus didn’t
mess around. He expected something from the man. He gave specific instruction.
He set a firm boundary.
So, if God sets
and expects them and Jesus displayed them, we need to as well. How do you set
healthy boundaries?
First, prayer.
Above all things, take it to God. Seek wisdom. Is this your problem? A hang up
you have that you need to work out with God or is there legitimate concern? Is
there sin involved? Order that needs to be enforced. Proverbs 4:23 – Above
all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Second - Set and
define your boundaries. What will you allow in your “yard?” What do you want to
see, hear, value, tolerate, speak and think upon? Reminds me of the Sunday school
song, be careful little eyes what you see. Teaching us early on about Gods
healthy boundaries. You are responsible for your yard. You are not responsible
for how others respond to the limits you set in your yard.
Third –
Consequences. The hardest part of boundaries. They need to be clear. And to be
effective they must be consistent. Maybe you need to distance yourself from the
toxic situation. Jesus said turn the other cheek. But He also left places He
knew He couldn’t change. Consequences should be prayed about and not made
hastily. Someone who respects you will not manipulate or force a different
outcome.
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